How Long Does No Contact Take To Work?
Just how long does going no contact take to work? This is something that most men reach out to us about. They’ve watched a few videos or read about the no contact rule and how to proceed. “So Coach, my ex broke up with me two days ago. I’ve decided to go no contact. How long does no contact take to work?” We hear it over and over again.
The answer is simple, but complex. The no contact rule can a mysterious labyrinth, full of twists and turns. Allow me to explain.
I’ve never ran a marathon before, but listening to podcasts and reading interviews with runners and ultra-athletes, they’ve often spoke of “hitting the wall”. It’s the point where the runner depletes their glycogen stores, feelings of fatigue commence, and you reach mental exhaustion. They say it’s like running into a brick wall. Your body and mind just completely give out. Race over.
It’s something even the most trained and experienced marathon runners fear. Hitting the wall is unexpected. And all fear is rooted in the unknown and unexpected.
Going no contact is a marathon. And most men hit the wall. Some hit it after one day. Some two weeks. Others a month. But they breakdown and reach out to their ex, breaking the headway they made after deciding to go no contact.
They break no contact because they aren’t grounded emotionally and get triggered by something. Maybe it’s an Instagram post they see of their ex. Or maybe a mutual friend mentions that your ex has a new boyfriend. Whatever the triggering incident, they break it and in a fit of despair, they reach out. And the outcome is always a mistake, which pushes her away even more.
But why do most men break no contact? The answer is fear. They don’t trust the process. They think the no contact rule is a lantern where if they rub it a few times, their ex will appear as a genie and run back into their arms after eight days. Really guys?
It doesn’t work that way. Most men are concerned with knowing the exact number of days their ex will come back. They want to know exactly how long no contact will take to work.
This is a mistake!!
Understand. No contact is a marathon. A runner doesn’t know the exact time it will take to finish the race. They just focus on running the best race they can run. And that’s the mentality you should have.
Take it one day at a time. Trust the process. And believe that going no contact is not a one hundred percent guarantee your ex will come back.
Again, going no contact is definitely a marathon. But sometimes it's best to quit a race where it's obvious you're not going to win. Nothing in life is a sure thing. Yes, it's your best option to get your ex back, but it doesn’t make it certain they're coming back. No matter how long you go no contact, if she's over you, she's over you and it's a done deal. 100 days or 100 years, if she's out she's out.
Unfortunately, many men will be saying they’re still on no contact when their ex is walking down the aisle on her wedding day with her new man. This is why we advise going no contact to get your ex back ALONG with moving forward towards a better life WITHOUT them.
Yes it's a marathon. A long, hard, brutal marathon, where your lungs are on fire and every muscle fiber in your body will feel like they want to split through your skin. But you have to put one foot in front of the other. Don't focus on how many days it will take for her to come back like you're doing a prison bid.
Get busy living your life!! Come to grips with them not coming back and focus on "YOU 2.0". Going no contact allows you to heal. It gives you a chance to regroup and rejuvenate after the breakup. It allows you clarity to shore up your character flaws. And trust me, if you were acting desperate, depressed or violent after the breakup, you should be fortunate you have this newfound time on your hand because you need to fix your dysfunction.
Now you have time to focus on crafting a better YOU. Look at this time you have as a blank canvas. You’re an artist with a fresh canvas with a deep color palette to paint a masterpiece with. You should be thankful for this time. Create something memorable with it!!
The question shouldn’t be, “how long does no contact take to work”? The correct question is “how long does it take for me to become my best self?” Walk down that path. Who knows, you might just realize you're better off without your ex and brighter days lie ahead for you. Otherwise, you'll be waiting on her until the sun burns out, like our friend on the bench above. Don't be like him!